You Mean the World To Me
by Grace-Logan
Summary: "Bad things happen sometimes and we can't stop it… We can only try to live with it."


"Strawberry is way better than caramel." Tsukishima snapped, shoving Kageyama playfully. Kageyama stumbled, regained his footing and shoved Tsukishima back.

"Strawberry taste like shit, dumbass, how can you like that crap." He snapped back. Tsukishima huffed.

"I'm smarter than you'll ever be idiot. Yo-"

"As if, you're dumber than Hinata." Kageyama scoffed, Tsukishima looked as if Kageyama had told him someone had run over his dog.

"Hinata! I'm dumber than Hinata? Can anyone be dumber than Hinata?" Tsukishima asked, wonder in his voice. The pair looked over to Hinata bouncing around the group talking to everyone at once and shook their heads.

"Probably not." Kageyama replied, Tsukishima snorted and let out a laugh.

"Oi I resent that Bakageyama!" Hinata yelled running over to them, Kageyama smirked down at him and held him back with a hand on his forehead as he tried to punch him.

"Whatever dumbass."

Hinata pouted at him and stopped trying to hit him when his eyes light up like a christmas tree and he jumped up and down on the stop excitedly.

"Ne, ne Kageyama, let's go get something to eat. We can get stuff for the whole team while they pack up." Kageyama looked down at Hinata as if considering his options.

"No."

"Aww, why?" Hinata whined, tugging on his arm.

"Because I don't want to." Kageyama said wrenching his arm from Hinata's death grip. Hinata made little grabby gesture at him before latching onto his shirt and tugging on that instead.

"Kageyama~ come on, let's go, let's go, I'm hungry."

"No, if you're hungry go by yourself or ask someone else." He snapped, Hinata continued to tug on his shirt and whine incessantly in his ear driving him onto his last nerve.

"Damn it Hinata, I'm not going!" Kageyama yelled, Hinata recoiled but kept his grip on Tobio's shirt.

"Why!" He demanded stamping his foot like a child.

" _Did you just stamp your foot? I knew you were a brat but a temper tantrum is a little above your age group right. Oh wait a minute, I forgot. Mentally you're still a five year old."_

Hinata stuck his tongue out at Tsukishima.

"Because you're annoying, now go ask somebody else." Kageyama growled, Hinata seemed to deflate as he let go of Tobio's shirt and slumped off to Nishinoya who had him up and jumping around like nothing happened seconds later. The two ran off together after getting everyone's orders chatting loudly about whatever subjects flittered across their minds. It was a wonder they could even hear each other.

"Kageyama."

Tobio turned, coming face to face with Kindaichi and Kunimi standing a few meters away.

"What?"

They glanced at each other.

"Can we talk?" Kunimi asked, Kageyama turned to Daichi who told him to make it quick and walked over to them as his team moved off toward the bus.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"It was a good game, Kageyama." Kindaichi said, holding out his hand, Kageyama stared at it before it dawned on him that Kindaichi wanted a hand shake. They stood in silence that stretched far too long for anyone's comfort. The sounds of Karasuno had faded to background noise and god damn it this silence was more awkward than when he first saw Hinata at Karasuno.

"Is that all?" He asked wanting to get away before the situation became any more awkward for all of them than it already was.

 _Just leave and catch up to the team_ Kageyama told himself, he was done talking to Kindaichi, but it looked like he had something important to say. Karasuno would almost be finished packing the bus and as soon as Hinata and Nishinoya brought back food they'd leave and Kageyama had no doubt that they'd leave him behind if he wasn't fast enough just for shits and giggles.

"What is it Kindaichi, you have something to say?" Kageyama asked in his usual tone of moody teenager. Kindaichi clucked his tongue and gave him a reluctant look. Kageyama guessed he was say something nice to him for once. Two and a half years of snarky comments to someone you hated could make you rather reluctant to be nice every once in a while.

"Look Kageyama I-."

"HINATA!"

Kageyama jumped, spun on his heel and bolted to the shout, Kindaichi and Kunimi looked at each other, shrugged and jogged after him, curious to see what had prompted such a distressed yell. A crowd was gathering before they even got there, Kageyama had to force his way through the small crowd that had already formed before he reached the road and froze, hands on the fence, staring at the wreck before him.

A beat up Honda civic sat in the middle of the road, skid marks following it to its place and blood splattered on the bonnet, pooled in a dent. The blood ran out from under the car where Kageyama stared and Hinata's dead eyes stared back. The ugly red substance cascading from the gash in his tire marked, slightly crushed head, mouth open in slack surprise and arm too flat seeming to reach out to Kageyama.

"Hinata!" Kageyama hauled himself over the fence in a sloppy vault as everything but Hinata faded from his consciousness. Kageyama was jerked to a halt by unknown arms circling his waist and yanking him away from his best friend, he kicked and yelled, thrashing in the persons grip and suddenly, there was someone in front of him holding his arms still and trying to speak to him. He couldn't hear them, he had to get to Hinata, he needed Hinata to get up, to move, to blink, to breathe.

Fate wasn't on his side. He spent his time in a daze when whoever had pulled him away from Hinata had finally calmed him down. He knew he was being watched in case he tried to run… He didn't. The ambulance came and went taking Hinata with them covered in a white sheet that was quickly being dyed red. The ride home was quicker than it should have been. The night played through faster than he could fall asleep and school wasn't worth his time anymore if Hinata wouldn't be there.

He snapped into reality late one night, weeks after they'd laid his friend to rest deep in the ground, far from the sun or contact from anyone. Contact that Hinata loved so much. He snuck out as quietly as possible, broke the window of the nearby florist without a care, it wouldn't matter what he did after tonight, and selected a simple, bright collection of orange and blue flowers. He left some extra change he had in his pocket on the counter and ran before the sirens wailing in the distance reached him.

He could say with all certainty that he hated cemeteries. They were creepy, especially at night. He hated them even more when one now housed his only friend. He was kneeling in front of Hinata's stone before he knew it, laying the flowers next to the incense on the middle of the stone shelf. He ran his fingers over the name engraved in the dull stone so wrongfully chosen to represent the bright person he was.

"Good bye Hinata. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend. I'm sorry I didn't go with you that day. I'm sorry that the last time we spoke I said you were annoying. But I'll be seeing you soon, and I promise you I'll make it better."

Tobio stood and waited in front of his grave until sunrise, the moment the sun peeked over the horizon he said one last good bye and apologised one last time. He apologised to his family and his team, said good bye and set his phone down in a protected cove so it was safe from the weather. The scissors he forgotten to leave at the florist would do.

He sat on the other side of Hinata's grave and leant back against the cold hard stone. The sharp blade of the scissors rested against the soft flesh of the inside of his arm, digging in and drawing copious amounts of blood the further up his arms he dragged it, crossing over his vein multiple times in case someone found him and tried to save him. He didn't want to be saved. It hurt so much, he was dizzy and his hands were shaking as if he were having a fit. The blade switched hands and he stabbed it into his opposite arm slicing all the way to the elbow.

He hoped he remembered to apologise to the person who found him. He dropped the scissors next to him and closed his eyes as his vision clouded making him feel sick. A sigh past his lips softly, slowly, solitary.

"You guys go on ahead. I'll wait for Tsukishima and Nishinoya." Daichi looked at him and nodded. This would be the two's first time visiting Hinata's grave, both having adamantly refused to attend his funeral and rejected any offers to visit. Suga knew they knew where Hinata's grave was but he wanted to be absolutely certain that the both of them finally said their last good byes.

It took five minutes for them both to show up, Nishinoya ambling in after three and Tsukishima stalking in two later, bright bouquet in hand from the florist down the street, it had taken a good tip to get the florist to make it for him after having the police scour every inch of his store.

Suga nodded to him in greeting not meeting his eyes. The team all had the same look nowadays anyway. Depressed and broken. Suga gestured for them to follow and lead them outside to Hinata's grave.

Suga was worried when he first laid eyes on the rest of the team. Something was off, their stance too tense to be only upset for Hinata. They'd all lost that strain weeks ago. He couldn't see Daichi, Yamaguchi had a hand clamped over his mouth as tears poured down his face. Tanaka had his shaking fists clenched, arms rigged and straight down by his side, head bowed, eyes shut tight and mouth pressed forcefully into a straight line.

Asahi was on his arse across the walk way, head in his hands sobbing down at the ground, tears dripping off on to the ground. Kinoshita was turned away vomiting on the ground, Ennoshita patting and rubbing his back as he cried. Narita staring blankly, hands limp by his side, behind the tomb stone reading Hinata's name.

They were all concentrated on the wrong side of the grave. Suga gently pushed past Tanaka and glanced behind the grave where Daichi knelt trembling, hunched over a body. Suga swallowed and moved forward, to see who it was. He already knew though he had to confirm. A flash drew his attention downwards. He caught sight of a phone. He picked it up and clicked the home button. It flared to life and he dragged his finger across the screen to unlock it.

It opened to a note. An apology addressed firstly to them.

' _To everyone at Karasuno,_

 _I'm sorry for this, I really am. But I don't regret it and I won't. Hinata was my first and best friend. He meant the world to me. I don't know how to explain my decision to you but I think you already know why. I'm sorry that since then I haven't been myself. I'm sorry that I skipped practice and ignored you all, the team means everything to me. I want to thank you for what you did for me. You helped me put my trust in people again and find friends and a place I could belong. Like a family. Thank you for putting up with me, I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with at the best of times. Thank you.'_

Suga scrolled down, ignoring the way the screen blurred.

' _To my parents,_

 _Thank you for being there for me when I wasn't myself all the way up until now you never gave up and I really do appreciate everything you did for me. But I cannot live without Hinata, he was special to me. I'm sorry that this is how it ends but I really can't find the will to live without him. I'm so sorry you have to watch me go so early. Good bye.'_

Suga didn't notice his shaking or his tears as he read on, scrolling to the last long letter.

' _To everyone from Kitadaiichi,_

 _I'm sorry I was such an over barring asshole in our last two years at Kitadaiichi. I tried to fit in and make friends with you all, I really did, I'm just not so good with people. I'm sorry you had to watch me break down that day and drag me away from him. I'm sorry we couldn't have been friends in the end, or at least friendly. Thank you for leaving me in that match. If you hadn't I'd be the same as I was back then, if not worse. I'm thanking you because it led me to find the team I always wanted, a place to call home, a place full of great friends even if some of them weren't always that friendly. I regret how it had to end between us all, if I could fix it I would, but given how it turned out and where I ended up I'd still do it all over again just to be with Karasuno. I'm really sorry, thank you and good bye.'_

' _To the person who finds this,_

 _I'm sorry you were the one to find me it was very bad luck for you. But please, make sure this message reaches who it's addressed to.'_

"D-Daichi…" Daichi looked up at Suga, saw the phone he held and tears running from his shattered eyes and held his body closer. "It's a good bye."

Daichi buried his face in Kageyama's chest and screamed out his anguish, rocking back and forth with Kageyama's body in his arms, the early morning light making his pale bloodless face glow framed by his inky black hair. He took no notice of the blood seeping into the knees of his pants and leaving spots on his shirt where Tobio's arms pressed against him.

Tsukishima had dropped the bouquet at his feet and was staring at Kageyama's peaceful scowl free face, it was unnatural, he hated it, the change, he knew why it was there, why Tobio wasn't unintentionally glaring at anyone, why he was laying limp in Daichi's arms. He knew why, and he hated that to.

Nishinoya had dropped to his knees next to Asahi, his hands laying on his lap, fists clenched in the hem of the shorts he wore, face scrunched up as he tried to hold back the tear brimming in his eyes. One followed the other down his cheeks and the next thing he knew he was bawling his eyes out into Asahi's shoulder as the gentle giant held him tightly and cried into his.

An ambulance and the police, haven't they done this before? Giving statements and swallowing their tears until the grown-ups were gone, done with their interrogation and they could cry together. Telling them everything they knew but each one hiding the existence of the phone and its message. They'd turn it in if they had to once everything had been said.

The entire team took the first train they could to reach Aoba Jousai, someone having suggested that his parents would want to keep the phone after they were given their message. They knew they'd be trespassing but it didn't matter, what mattered was that they deliver the message he left.

Oikawa greeted them cheerfully when he first saw them, wondering mindlessly through the school looking like a gang. Oikawa suspected that they'd been reported to a faculty member by now but he could explain their presence away with pretty words if need be. The teachers here loved him.

But something was wrong. He knew it, the loud second years were quiet, had their eyes trained on the ground, the tall blonde first year wasn't picking on anyone nor paying attention to anything other than Daichi walking in front of him. The shy first year that always followed the snarky one was hunched over, hand in his pockets looking like the picture of misery. The third years wouldn't look at each other, their backs were stiff but not strong, the confidence and strength once seen in their posture was gone. The entire team looked… defeated.

Oikawa shooed away the fans that crowed him at lunch times and called Iwaizumi over from his place talking to some first years of the volley ball club. Karasuno stopped in front of him as Iwaizumi reached them. Daichi pulled out a phone from his pocket and stared Oikawa dead in the eyes.

"We need everyone from Kitadaiichi who played with Kageyama here." Oikawa nodded and told them to follow him as he guided them to his Kitadaiichi teammates. He ignored the red spots on Daichi's white shirt. He had a feeling he'd find out what they were soon enough.

The Karasuno members scared off anyone who wanted to approach Oikawa and at this moment he was grateful that his fans weren't crowding him. He made eye contact with the members of the volley ball team sitting with Kitadaiichi members and flicked his head away. They read his message loud and clear and booked it before they were told twice.

"Oikawa-san? What's Karasuno doing here?" Kindaichi asked. Oikawa shrugged and sat next to them, Iwazumi seating himself next to Oikawa.

"What's this about Daichi-san?" Oikawa asked. Daichi threw him the phone, refusing to say a word. Oikawa raised an eyebrow but clicked the home button and unlocked the phone.

"Read it aloud." Daichi ordered, Oikawa nodded and cast his eyes down to the little words littered on the screen.

"To everyone from Kitadaiichi,

I'm sorry I was such an over barring asshole in our last two years at Kitadaiichi. I tried to fit in and make friends with you all, I really did, I'm just not so good with people. I'm sorry you had to watch me break down that day and drag me away from him. I'm sorry we couldn't have been friends in the end, or at least friendly. Thank you for leaving me in that match. If you hadn't I'd be the same as I was back then, if not worse. I'm thanking you because it led me to find the team I always wanted, a place to call home, a place full of great friends and a great team. I regret how it had to end between us all, if I could fix it I would, but given how it turned out and where I ended up I'd still do it all over again just to be with Karasuno. I'm really sorry, thank you and good bye.

To the person who finds this,

I'm sorry you were the one to find me it was very bad luck for you. But please, make sure this message reaches who it's addressed to." Oikawa stared at the screen. "Where's Tobio-chan? Why isn't he with you?"

Oikawa didn't have to look up to know that every member of Karasuno shifted uncomfortably and threw him reluctant glances, he could feel the tense atmosphere, hear their shuffling feet against the pavement. He scrolled up, read everything on the note from the start and slammed the phone down on the table beneath his hand as he shot to his feet and glared at Daichi.

"Where is Tobio-chan?" Oikawa hated how Daichi's lips shook, how tears filled the eyes of most of the team, how blank the faces of the others were. He hated the response he received.

"Gone." Daichi whispered. "He killed himself."

Oikawa slid back down onto the seat, the red on Daichi's white shirt clicking into place, and buried his head in his arms. He may not have liked the kid with his title of genius but god damn it, he was a kid! Someone he knew, someone he could read like a book, someone he, despite how much he denied it, actually did like. He was a good kid. Awkward and moody at the best of times and he wore his heart on his sleeve most of time, but he was a good kid.

Next to him Kindaichi had his head in his hands, Kunimi had his fists clenched under the table and screwed up his face. Iwazumi was the only one keeping his composure. He nodded at Daichi in respect.

"Thank you for coming to tell us. We appreciate it."

Daichi nodded and turned away to heard his team back to the train station. They had one more stop to make before they split.

The Kageyama house was huge. They noted the police car already situated out the front of the house and rang the doorbell. Tobio's mother was a sight to behold. Even with red rimmed puffy eyes she was a beauty, model worthy beauty. Long sleek black hair, beautiful pale skin and large bright blue eyes. She took one look at them and stepped back into the house to let them through.

Each member nodded to her as they past and entered the lounge, its entrance only a few meters from the front door. Tobio's dad was the first thing they saw upon entering the lounge, seated across from two police officers getting ready to leave. They spared a glance as they past and left the house leaving the team alone with the dark piercing eyes and sharp features of Tobio's farther, almost a mirror image of Tobio himself.

"You were the ones who found Tobio?" He asked, Daichi placed Tobio's phone on the table in front of him and nodded.

"I'm sorry you all had to see that. First Shouyou-kun and now Tobio."

Daichi waved him off. "Bad things happen sometimes and we can't stop it… We can only try to live with it. There's something on that phone you have to read." Kageyama-san nodded and grabbed off the table. Daichi left with Karasuno before they'd read it. It was different when they were someone's parents.

They buried him next to Shouyou. The funeral was full to the brim of people Tobio had known, Karasuno, Aoba Jousai, Nekoma, coach Ukai and Takeda sensei, Tanaka's sister Saeko, Shimizu and Yachi, the Karasuno neighbourhood association members, a few of his classmates, an old couple that lived down the street from him, and his family.

His parents had his last words read out as they lowered him into the ground and covered him in dirt.

' _To everyone at Karasuno,_

 _I'm sorry for this, I really am. But I don't regret it and I won't. Hinata was my first and best friend. He meant the world to me. I don't know how to explain my decision to you but I think you already know why. I'm sorry that since then I haven't been myself. I'm sorry that I skipped practice and ignored you all, the team means everything to me. I want to thank you for what you did for me. You helped me put my trust in people again and find friends and a place I could belong. Like a family. Thank you for putting up with me, I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with at the best of times. Thank you.'_

' _To my parents,_

 _Thank you for being there for me when I wasn't myself all the way up until now you never gave up and I really do appreciate everything you did for me. But I cannot live without Hinata, he was special to me. I'm sorry that this is how it ends but I really can't find the will to live without him. I'm so sorry you have to watch me go so early. Good bye.'_

' _To everyone from Kitadaiichi,_

 _I'm sorry I was such an over barring asshole in our last two years at Kitadaiichi. I tried to fit in and make friends with you all, I really did, I'm just not so good with people. I'm sorry you had to watch me break down that day and drag me away from him. I'm sorry we couldn't have been friends in the end, or at least friendly. Thank you for leaving me in that match. If you hadn't I'd be the same as I was back then, if not worse. I'm thanking you because it led me to find the team I always wanted, a place to call home, a place full of great friends even if some of them weren't always that friendly. I regret how it had to end between us all, if I could fix it I would, but given how it turned out and where I ended up I'd still do it all over again just to be with Karasuno. I'm really sorry, thank you and good bye.'_

His parents had informed them of an alternate message in the note, they hadn't been told what it was.

' _To everyone I ever knew,_

 _If you're reading this you found my other note and me. Thank you, everyone, for everything you did for me. Whether you were a friend or not, thank you. For the time I knew you all wasn't always the best, but the best always stands out eventually. I'm going to address certain people in this letter._

 _First is Kindaichi,_

 _I want to thank you in particular for the things you did, even if they weren't particularly nice I know why you did them and they led me to something great._

 _To Oikawa-san,_

 _You were an asshole to me on the best of days but still, you are someone I look up to. You're a great setter and I envy your skill, it sucks that I couldn't get you to teach me the jump serve properly and I'll never get it perfect but thank you for indirectly teaching me a lot of techniques I otherwise would not have learnt for a while. Also thank you to Iwazumi-san for not letting Oikawa-san punch me when I was in first year, your intervention was greatly appreciated._

 _To Tsukishima,_

 _Like Oikawa, you were an asshole pretty much all the time. Somewhere along the way though what you were saying to me just lost its bite. Like you weren't really trying to hurt me anyone more and just trying to communicate with me some way, even if you were a little harsh sometimes you are a great friend and a big part of what made Karasuno feel like home and just because I feel the need to have the last word, strawberry is not better than caramel you gangly freak._

 _To Karasuno,_

 _I know I already said good bye to you, but I left out some important things in my good bye that need to be said. I loved my time at Karasuno it was without a doubt the best time of my life. You all mean so much to me and I'm sorry I couldn't hold on and move past this. I'm sorry for the pain I'm causing you right now and I know it won't go away for a long, long time. I wish that in my last few weeks I'd played with everyone just one last time, spoke to you or even looked at you. Being at Karasuno made me so happy. Playing with you all was the greatest moments I ever had. I'm going on ahead though. I won't see you all again for a while and I hope you can someday move on and continue playing volley ball with everyone. You all meant the world to me. Thank you so much for being who you are._

 _Good bye.'_


End file.
